by Rabbi Noah Sonenberg
חז”ל structured the סדר in a way that informs us how to effectively teach our children Jewish thought and values. We see that they intentionally organized the night in a manner which would seem strange to children who are used to regular שבת and יום טוב meals. The goal of this structure is to get the children to notice these peculiar practices. When the children are overcome with curiosity they are expected to burst forth with their questions about this different routine. If the children didn’t ask their own questions they were given a set of four questions to ask.
This focus on encouraging questions is essential before we get to מגיד, the central educational piece of the סדר. Once we have achieved the goal of sparking the outward curiosity of our children we must be careful to answer the questions in a way that helps us achieve the goal of education. When the children ask, “why do we dip כרפס before the meal?” we should respond in a way that demonstrates to them how much we value their questions. We can say that חז”ל wanted to encourage children to feel comfortable noticing practices and ideas that seem strange to them and then to ask for explanations. This feeling of safety will then foster in them an understanding that questions are expected and reasonable on any topic within Judaism. חז”ל teach us in actions of the סדר the principle of אין הביישן למד (a person easily embarrassed can not learn). We must be sure to foster an environment for our children which accomplishes this goal.
As people get older it is not only embarrassment that stops them from asking questions but also a sense that they already know the answer or perhaps even a feeling that there really is no acceptable answer. As a result of this, the four questions must be asked even if the only people attending are already mature and wise. חז”ל encourage us to ask so that we will hear other perspectives on issues that we already have thought about. The principle of איזהו חכם, הלומד מכל אדם (who is wise? he who learns from everyone) is being taught in the סדר in a practical and meaningful way. In order to broaden our understanding, we are encouraged to ask others even when we think that we already know the answer.
As we approach the סדר night perhaps we should add to our focus of sharing profound דברי תורה and include an awareness of the value of questions. We should look to create an environment where all our children’s questions are valued and where they feel safe and secure exploring difficult thoughts. Only by allowing our children to ask questions can we hope to have them search for answers from us and from all the תורה personalities and resources that are available in our community.
