כבוד הרבנים, מנהלים, צוות המורים, חברי הועד, הורים, וכמובן כל הבוגרים – ברוכים הבאים ותודה.

Honored Rabbis, fellow administrators, members of the faculty, members of the board of directors, parents and of course our graduates – welcome and thank you.

Seniors – I know there is much excitement and you are anxiously awaiting receiving your diplomas, but I would like to ask you to try and focus on what I believe to be a very impactful message with the hope that you will keep it with you. And I invite you, our parents and guests, to listen in as well.

Anyone following virtually any news outlet this year undoubtedly knows that mental health has become among the most important topics of conversation within all schools. The demand for youth mental health services is significantly increasing in high schools and universities.

Consider the following statistics:

  • A recent Ryerson survey of 15 universities and colleges across Canada found that all but 1 have increased their mental health budgets over these past five years – with an average increase of 35%.
  • The University of Toronto reports that since 2009 their academic accommodations due to mental health needs have increased by 143%.
  • A major survey of over 25,000 Ontario university students showed that between 2013 and 2016 there was a 50% increase in anxiety, a 47% increase in depression and an 86% increase in substance abuse.
  • In January of this year after 4 students in the University of Guelph unfortunately took their lives, the students in the university started an on-line petition calling on the university to invest more resources in treating mental health illness and in the first two days of the petition it received almost 2000 signatures.

And it doesn’t seem to stop in University.

  • A recent 2016 major survey across Canada of post-secondary students showed that 20% of all post-secondary students identified themselves as regularly depressed, overly anxious or suffering from major mental health issues.

And if we want to look more globally with our neighbors to the south the picture isn’t any better.

  • The National College Health Assessment, administered by the American College Association and released in the spring of 2016 (just 1 year ago) found that 59.6% of students reported feeling hopeless in the last 12 months and 44.4% of students felt so depressed that it was difficult to function.

These are staggering numbers which should be very scary to all of us. We are living in a time in which more teenagers and young adults die from mental health illnesses than from all other medical illnesses combined.

It was for that reason that I am choosing this topic as my focus for this evening and we as a school have tried to focus more this year on mental health and we will do even more in the future.

But please don’t think that this entire speech is doom and gloom, because all of you sitting here today certainly need to keep these studies in mind and you need to consider where the world is and the challenges that lie ahead of you, but – and this is the message that I want you to walk away with tonight – you have something that will set you apart from the national averages.

  1. Faith or as we would call it Emunah and Bitachon
  2. Family and
  3. Friends

Study after study have confirmed over and over again that religious beliefs, ritual observances and connection to HKB”H have a positive impact and effect on overall mental health. Those who are religiously connected have significantly lower levels of depression, anxiety and mental health disorders.

Dr. Harold G. Koenig, the director of the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health at Duke University – perhaps the leading institute in North America that focuses on the bonds between religion and health recently published a paper which reviewed 93 major studies all conducted within the last few years and he concluded:

There is no doubt that people who are more involved in religious practices and who are more religiously committed cope better with stress. One of the reasons is because religion gives people a sense of purpose and meaning in life and that helps them to make sense of the negative things that happen to them.

To push this idea a bit further Dr. Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist at Thomas Jefferson University and Hospital in Philadelphia concluded based on a 2010 study that there are even physiological changes that take place within our brain when we pray or meditate. People who prayed more often demonstrated a stronger prefrontal cortex and stronger frontal lobes both essential in maintaining greater calm, acting in less of a reactionary way and being better prepared and able to deal with stress.

But beyond these studies I think we intuitively know all of this to be true. Emunah has amazing benefits:

  • Faith gives us hope and optimism.
  • It promotes belonging.
  • It promotes self esteem.
  • It provides protection from questions of existential threats such as Why are we here? Is there any meaning to our existence? What happens to us when we die? Faith helps us answer all of these questions.
  • Faith provides comfort by showing us that we are not alone.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks writes:

Faith is not certainty. It is the courage to live with uncertainty. It is not knowing all the answers. It is often the strength to live with questions. It is not a sense of invulnerability. It is the knowledge that we are utterly vulnerable, but that it is precisely in our vulnerability that we reach out to G-d and through this we learn to reach out to others able to understand their fears and doubts. We learn to share and in sharing discover the road to freedom.

But let’s remember – even if faith can help us cope, help us manage, help us through the difficult time, faith will not itself create happiness. The mishna in Pirkei Avot teaches us that: “Eizehu ashir… hasameach bechelko,” but as we all know, this is easier said than done.

Faith will undoubtedly help, but friends and family can add and enhance our levels of happiness in ways that many of us do not even realize.

The story is told of the old Jew who is brought to Mass General – one of the finest hospitals in the US for a major procedure. As soon as he regains consciousness after the procedure he demands to be transferred to a different hospital that happens to be run down, old and in terrible condition. The doctor hears that he left and goes to the other hospital to find out what happens– and he asks what was the matter:

  • Was something wrong with the doctors? No, the doctors were amazing.
  • Was something wrong with the nurses? No, the nurses were so nice and caring.
  • Was something wrong with the food? No, the food was fantastic and delicious.

So why did you move? Replies the old Jew: Here I can complain!

Jews love to complain – but we may not realize that it negatively impacts on our emotional health. Complaining doesn’t allow us to see positivity in our lives and the complaining stunts our growth and happiness.

There is a famous story told of a man who wrote the Lubavitcher Rebbe a letter in which he said:

I need the Rebbe’s help. I wake up every day sad and depressed. I cannot concentrate. I find it hard to pray. I still try and keep the mitzvoth, but I am not inspired. I go to shul but I feel alone. I wonder what my purpose in life is. I need your help.

The letter was a few short sentences, but rather than the Rebbe writing back a response, he simply returned the letter with the word “I” circled each of the 10 times that he had used it within just a few short sentences.

The Rebbe’s point was that you are not going to solve your problems focusing so much on “I”. You need to instead focus on your friends and family.

There used to be a famous Lexus Ad that declared: “whoever said that money can’t buy happiness isn’t spending it right”.

Happiness is often defined in our culture by new possessions – a new car, a new phone or even a new suit.

Happiness is about what we have and the market we live in is focused on what we don’t have.

This is where family and friends becomes so essential.

There will be ups and downs in life – but a strong family and real friends can get one through any challenge that life may throw your way. Emunah will help protect you, but friends and family will be there behind you every step of the way and give you confidence and strength in a world that may seem lonely.

And this is what truly sets us apart here in Toronto and within our Bnei Akiva – Or Chaim and Ulpana community. The depth and strength of our friendships and the care and connection within our community stand alone as something unique and truly special.

We come together in times of happiness and we band together lo aleinu in times of sorrow as well.

Chazal understood this when they created so many institutions designed to bring us together.

A minyan is needed for prayer and when a loss is experienced the only thing that a person isn’t able to do is be alone. So central is a tzibur that our rabbis write that a person who is poresh min hatzibur loses his chelek in olam haba.

There was once a poster in New York advertising Chase Manhattan Bank with the tagline: “You have a friend in the Chase Manhattan Bank” and underneath one of them someone wrote: “But in the Bank of Israel – you have family.”

At Ulpana and Or Chaim, your classes in particular have merged together faith with family and friends. The bonds between you are strong; I have seen it first hand as your friends have become part of your family.

You are all about to graduate. In a short while, you will walk off this stage as Or Chaim and Ulpana alumni.

You will be graduates from an unbelievable institution that will always stand behind you and support you and whether you realize it or not. We will take pride and a bit of credit in all your future accomplishments and we will always remind people that you came from Or Chaim or Ulpana.

10 years from now we will say “did you hear what so and so did – you know she graduated Ulpana in 2017 or he is an Or Chaim graduate.”

You are a special class. Yes it is true, you probably think I say that about every class (and I do to some extent) but you really are special.

First of all – you are my first real graduating class. I along with many others started here with you 4 years ago and it has been a true honor to watch you mature, grow and succeed.

I promise that I, along with all my colleagues, will be shepping nachas along with your parents as we watch you continue to grow.

To our parents, I wish you could have been there at the Dani restaurant for our graduation dinner celebrations. Watching our faculty and administration speak about each of your children and seeing just how well they know your children was special.

It is a closeness and a bonding that is truly unique to Or Chaim and Ulpana that I believe in many ways we all take it for granted.

And it is these bonds which will help you to defy the odds and use your faith, family and friends to succeed in every area of life.

I have complete confidence in all of you and I cannot wait to see what you become.

I wish you only the best, mazal, bracha and hatzlacha in everything you do.

Make us proud – I am certain you will.  Thank you.