by Rav Yair HaLevi.
Back in Grade 10 (1998), on the 10th floor of Shaare Zedek Hospital, my older brother, Dani, handed me a book. He said to me: “I know that if you’ll read this you’ll find new meaning in life.” In my hands I was holding a book that slowly became my life compass. A book that walked with me through high school, into Yeshiva, into my army vest and into my home library. A book called Chovat Hatalmdim written by the person I can call my greatest role model – the great Piaseczna Rebbe.
As a 16-year-old, I opened the book to see what I’d find. The first thing I read was a simple question that the Rebbe had asked – “How broken my heart is from looking at the current younger generation… But – who is to blame for the fact that the generation’s (1910) children where running away from the Batei Midrash? Who is at fault that so many full Shuls where now empty?”
I knew what the answer was going to be. Since I already went through many years of the school system, and once I even got to hear – by mistake – a teachers’ conference, the answer was going to be this: the students. I knew the young adolescent kids were at fault. Those who are selfish and care only about themselves. I knew that another rabbi was coming to preach to me about how bad we were, and how we were ruining the future of Am Yisrael.
But for the first time I saw a new answer: “The blame is on the Roshei Yeshiva.” The rabbis who sit in their warmed offices, and neat Batei Midrash, and are amazed by the students who are in front of them. They are comforting themselves and their staff – teaching not to be saddened by all those who are lost, and to look at these great students before us.” Continues the Rebbe: “How dare they think of only those in front of them! Are they not responsible for the nation? How could they decide who is and who isn’t important in the eyes of Hashem? The destruction is caused by these types of thought.”
This idea truly made me think. What is he really saying?
Obviously, rabbis who are working tirelessly on helping students aren’t to blame for the decisions of others. What I think the Rebbe is teaching is a new type of education. Transferring from educational models that are focused on skill and ability to an educational model focused primarily on caring that inevitably will lead to responsibility. The key to changing the picture is to focus on education through caring. Caring is what makes the educator responsible to love the potential of children and not who they are at that moment: to look at causes and not actions; to listen and not always talk; to learn and not always lecture; to make an effort to close one’s eyes when facing adversity and creating a patient new picture rather than opening one’s eyes and being focused on what isn’t going right; to sing a song sometimes instead of writing an article.
How often do we blame our children for not listening to us, for being short minded? How often do we want to kick a wall for how difficult it is to get our children to clean the house and to be excited to come to shul with us? But, ultimately, we must realize that what will make people great is a true deep sense of responsibility – and who is greater to be responsible than the parent or educator in charge. It is true that we should demand of our children to take part in “the needs” and not just “the wants.” But sometimes we must take time to live the life we are requesting from our children. We might be able to spend more time looking at ourselves and seeing where we can be more productive before we ask that of our children. Maybe we have to find extra time to daven before we expect our children to shuckle in shul. But with all this, the greatest message we can give over and educate to our children is “the joy of choosing responsibility.”
Rav Yair HaLevi is Menahel of Yeshivat Or Chaim
