Let’s Talk…
by Mrs. Temima Cohen
As we all know the Rambam, Maimonides, was a very clever man. He wrote many works that have shaped Halacha and the way a Jew behaves. As a social worker, I have added admiration for the Rambam because he was so ahead of his time with the modern day concept that, in order to have complete health, one must not only take care of one’s physical health but also one’s mental health. His understanding of the importance of mental health and its connection to physical health was already documented back in 1198 when he wrote his work, entitled “Regimen of Health,” הנהגת הבריאות.
In his many works, the Rambam makes statements showing his belief that physical health is dependent on psychological health.
“Therefore, the integration between medicine for the soul and medicine for the body will result in overall health. A disruption of one of those components, whether mental or physical, will result in disease.”
I think that most of us would agree with this view of the Rambam and the modern day thinking that to be healthy we must have both physical and mental health. In this regard, children are no different and thus it’s important for us to be able to identify when our children require help. This week I took my daughter to the hospital to have an x-ray after she fell skating. It was easy to realize that she required medical attention because of the physical pain she was experiencing. We can usually figure out if our child is physically ill, but detecting a mental health problem is not always as simple.
Mental health is defined as emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Mental health is important because it helps us makes choices, regulates our mood, helps us deals with stress and trauma, and affects how we relate to others. Our mental health is crucial to our wellbeing because it’s what helps us cope with the demands of everyday life. For a teenager, those demands can be extremely overwhelming. It’s not easy being a son/daughter, student, sibling, friend, team player, grandchild, Facebook friend, texter, etc… A teenager is supposed to understand Math, Science, English, History, Gemara, Ivrit, Chumash, sports etc… And of course, they have to look good at all times because they never know where on social media their picture might end up.
With their not-fully-developed brains, our teens have to deal with social, academic, and family pressure. That’s why they can turn into the teenagers that we have come to know and love, acting in ways that might make us wonder if they have symptoms of a person suffering with a mental health issue, when in fact these are just their normal behaviors. Don’t laugh, but am I describing your teenager? Irritable, moody, likes to spend time isolated on their phone/computer, sleeps a lot, forgetful… See what I mean? So it’s not surprising that it can be tricky to detect when a teen requires professional mental health help.
Here is a good list from the University of New Hampshire Program to help determine if your teen may need mental health help:
- Academic signs
Student doesn’t do well in school and can’t explain why. Loses interest in school subjects. Doesn’t try as hard or gives up more easily. Turns in unfinished or messy work. May complain of being too tired to finish work. - Social/behavioral signs
Teen may be very disruptive or show antisocial behavior, such as lying or stealing. Avoids people in general or withdraws from other teens. Behaves in ways that make it difficult to make friends or keep them. Afraid of certain things for no obvious or good reason. May be tired and constantly falling asleep; may act restless, take on inappropriate risks. - Cognitive signs
Teen may have trouble concentrating, remembering things, or making decisions. Has very little or no confidence. Talks about suicidal thoughts or wanting to attempt suicide. Has constant thoughts about death. - Emotional signs
Teen may have low self-esteem, feel guilty, or just seem unhappy in general. May be irritable or complain a lot. Feels helpless and hopeless. - Physical signs
Teen may show change in usual sleeping patterns. Complains about feeling sick, in pain, or tired. Suddenly gains or loses weight or doesn’t have the same appetite as before. Looks or acts “slowed down” or “speeded up.” - Motivational signs
Teen doesn’t care about anything. Can’t pay attention to things. Feels bored.
It is best to remember that it’s the frequency, duration, intensity, and the amount of symptoms which should be used to judge. However, there is never any harm, if you are concerned at all, in speaking to a mental health professional, and I encourage you to do so.
As parents, the most important way we can help our kids is by spending time with them and giving them the attention they deserve and need. Listen to them, be non-judgmental, and don’t downplay their feelings. The better your relationship is with your teen, the more you will know them, and understand when they need help. In addition, the stronger your parent/child relationship, the more your daughter/son will talk to you, and trust you as someone with whom they can share their thoughts and problems.
Actually, in this week’s Torah reading, פרשת בא, we are shown the importance of this vital parent-child relationship. The Torah commands us to speak to our children – והגדת לבנך. And when they ask a question – והיה כי ישאלך בנך, we are told to engage them in conversation – ואמרת אליו. We are shown that every child deserves our attention, and patience. It is our responsibility as parents to create for our children an environment in which they feel connected to us, and comfortable talking to us.
Last week was Bell’s Lets’ Talk day to promote mental health awareness. Awareness is the key to improving the lives of all of us, including our Bnei Akiva Schools’ students. So, to all of you, our BAS family, I say Let’s Talk…. Talk to your teens, talk to your family doctor and mental health professionals, talk to each other as fellow parents, and talk to us who spend time on a daily basis with your children in school. We are here to help guide and support you, and partner with you, in our shared goal to achieve complete overall physical and mental health in your Yeshivat Or Chaim/Ulpanat Orot student.
Temima Cohen is the Director of Guidance at Bnei Akiva Schools
